Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize