Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
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