can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I touched a dick in church today
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
