I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
