i jhust puked up my retainher.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
