How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
nut hugger
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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