Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Success! We fucked roommates!
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
