I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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