I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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