Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Randomize
