where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
