I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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