Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
