covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
