I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
