Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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