Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
