Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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