I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
