i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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