So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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