Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(501): View more from Arkansas

Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.

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(636): View more from Missouri

The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.

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(518): View more from New York

i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?

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(614): View more from Ohio

Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?

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(04): View more from

This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.

(603): View more from New Hampshire

Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.

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(813): View more from Florida

And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.

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(248): View more from Michigan

I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.

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(845): View more from New York

Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.

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