you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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