I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I got inside last night via doggy door
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize