Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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