a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
That accounts for only three of the penises
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
