The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
