Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
