The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Girls should come with a carfax report
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
