There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
