he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize