Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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