Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
