is your mom at the bar?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
