2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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