Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Come on in and take your pants off
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