dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
