I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
