Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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