Michael Bay diarrhea
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
