yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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