I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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