Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
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