He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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