Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
