dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
