Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
