I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
i now understand why vodka
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
