i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize