Need sex. Gaining weight.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
