is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
