planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
