Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
