Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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