spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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