eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
