And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
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