I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
