The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
