You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
