If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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