oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize