I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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